Progress...maybe

So I saw the doctor on Monday morning. You know, the one who is firmly convinced if I would just lose weight that I would be the picture of health? That one. Anyway...she still isn't convinced that the two other doctors who have diagnosed me with fibromyalgia are right, but at least she has gotten off the weight loss jag. For this I am thankful. I know I'm fat. This is not a surprise to me, but I am still trying to balance how to lose weight when any exercise AT ALL makes me hurt so bad I can hardly function for the next two days. But I digress...the doc has ordered multiple blood work ups to check for various issues including Rheumatoid arthritis, and just for the annual cholesterol, blood sugar, etc that goes with a physical. She has also ordered xrays of the areas that are causing me the most pain to see if there is arthritis present or some other issue. Blood work is done, xrays are going to have to happen tomorrow morning or Friday.

Progress on other fronts...I found a table on craigslist that was both within our price range (which is to say CHEAP) and large enough to seat our ever growing family. My parents and I are taking a trek to Dallas to pick it up in about half an hour. I'm delighted. The older, and smaller, table is going in the area where I do my scrapbooking and other crafts. I'm tickled pink to have a larger area to work with, especially since I have quite a few projects in the works. I have Alexia and Kyle's wedding scrapbook, Courtnee's scrapbook for her son Anthony who was only with her for such a short period of time, and a few things I want to get done for family members. I also have to box up and ship out some ornaments to a friend, Christmas cards, and Christmas presents. So...progress is being made.

Now it is time to make progress with getting a shower! :D

So Many Things to be Thankful for...

...and yet I feel sad today. Today I am missing my Granny, the kids' great Grandma Jet, and my oldest daughter, Christina and her son, Kevin. I am remarkably melancholy and hollow feeling today, and I don't know why. I am so blessed-blessed in ways I can't begin to explain, and today of all days should be the source of joy and happiness not sadness and stress.

Today is our fourth anniversary, and I am married to the most remarkable man on earth. Super Daddy is my best friend, my partner in all ways, and my rock. This brings me more joy than I can say, and I feel guilty that this alone isn't enough to lighten my mood today.

I think the biggest problem I am having today is that I am having a ridiculous amount of pain today, and have been for the last few days. Okay, fibromyalgia stinks, and there is always some degree of pain, but truly it is usually bearable. The last few days, it has been all I can do to do the things I HAVE to get done, and any thing extra has not been an option. I hate this feeling. I hate not being able to complete stupid and simple tasks that should not be beyond me. I am angry at this stupid disease. I'm angry that I had to deal with 25 years of pain and infertility crap, and now it seems I get to spend the rest of my life with this pain. I *know* I need to find my solace in God. I truly WANT to do this. I just don't know how to be thankful for this pain. I know I have it for a reason, but what that reason might be, I could not begin to guess. All I know is that I need to find a way to let go of this anger, and deal with the pain, because it is interfering with my life.

Wow...and who would have dreamed...

that in two days things could change so much. Last week we got a call on Wednesday night that my oldest son, who is sixteen and had previously been living with my exhusband in another state, would be coming to our house to live until he becomes an adult. Our Thursday and Friday were spent running around like a loon, buying the things needed to move him in, move a few of the other kids around into different rooms to accommodate him coming, painting rooms, picking up things, taking people to the airport, picking people up...oh what a lot to do in just that short period of time. In those two days, I was blessed more abundantly than I could have imagined by so many people: my sons' dad who paid for all of the "stuff" needed to get the house physically ready, friends who helped paint until the wee hours of the night and built and unbuilt bunk beds, dressers, and other furniture, for case managers who plowed forward to make sure our paperwork was in order, for a husband who says "yes Lord" when asked to stretch himself farther than he thought he could before, and for children who eagerly and respectfully welcomed their brother home. Blessings everywhere in this life change. Oh, and possibly the biggest blessing of all: a sixteen year old boy who was able to say "Thanks for all you did in such a short period of time to make sure my room was ready for me to come live with you." From a kid on the attachment disorder spectrum, this was HUGE. Heck for a normal sixteen year old boy this was huge.

The end of the week last week/beginning of this week has looked like this:

Wednesday evening-find out B was coming to live with us
Thursday-Super Daddy flies to S. Texas to see his Grandpa, who was receiving hospice care while living at SD's mom's house; The Mama spent all day running for supplies, painting, and thanking God for the friends who stepped up and did more than I could have imagined. Very late, like nearly midnight, SD's plane arrives back in the DFW area and he comes home.
Friday-Super Daddy has a GRE prep class, because apparently his possession of a master degree from a prominent university is not proof enough that he can perform on a graduate level at this same university (He is in their PhD program in the same department and major). The Mama spends time prepping, picking up a bed, dropping off her sister in law The Marine at the airport to visit the same Grandpa, talking to SD's mom to give condolenscences as it sounds like Grandpa may not make it through the night. Picked up eldest son, B, from the airport. Victory! He likes the room we worked so hard on!
Saturday-Ah, Halloween. We had a "Trunk or Treat" event at our church which I wisely volunteered us all for months ago. SD had his second study class for the GRE, I hung with six very wound for sound kiddos. Literally 30 minutes before we were to be at the church, we got the call that Grandpa had passed. After a little snuggling, we decided to go to the party anyway. Cute kids in costumes can cure a lot of sadness, let me tell you!
Sunday-Super Daddy and younger daughter, Miss Diva, headed to see the horsies early, so as to make it to church on time. Then church. I was both disappointed and glad that we did not list off all of the Saints who had gone before us as we usually do. I am still very much grieving my Granny, and I am certain that I would not have been able to make it through that if we had, nor would SD, having just lost his Grandpa the day before. After church we drove SD to the airport so he could go on a two week business trip to the Middle East-never fear, he is in an ally nation, not a war zone.
Monday-spent the day running around to get B ready for school-applying for a new social security card, talking to the school, doing tuns of laundry, and a few other miscellaneous odds and ends. Spent some time watching a very silly BBC video on youtube with B. Discovered that Miss Linda's White Chili was a huge hit. Yay for cheap and easy food! :D Dry beans are becoming one of my favorite staples. You have to plan ahead, but they are cheap and feed an army.

So, dear reader, this is what you have missed in the last few days at our house. Oh...and the part I forgot...during that beginning of this time we were blessed with new friends who are about to bring their little son home (their first adoption and their first child...how does it get better?!). Our case manager, who by the way is in my eyes CaseManagerOfTheYear, asked us if our new friends could shadow our "more experienced" family for a few days to gain some practical training. Little did we, or they, know what they were getting into when we all agreed to this adventure! :D We were blessed abundantly with amazing new friends, who not only came to observe for their own training but pitched in and did anything and everything needed to make sure our son came home to a finished room (minus the flower fan being replaced...we will get to that later! LOL). I figure if those few days didn't scare them out of wanting to have children, nothing will. ;)

Super Daddy is always greatly missed by The Mama and the kids while he is gone on a business trip, but sometimes that homesickness just multiplies and takes on a life of its own. Little Man and Middle Son are both adjusting to SD being gone and B coming within days of one another. They have pulled out some pretty amazing stops and had some pretty horrid tantrums (mostly yesterday) but seem to have recovered now. Hallalujah. One of the things that The Mama can take for granted-though never intentionally-are the amazing tasks that Super Daddy undertakes daily to make sure the household runs smoothly, such as getting up at an unholy hour (at least to his night walking spouse), making sure The Diva gets her protein bar or something with enough protein to keep her sugar up and level for a while (thus ensuring a reasonable attitude, or at least a better one), and delivering Little Man and The Diva to school by 745 AM each morning. I am truly blessed. Maybe those things don't seem like big things to you, but to me they are monumental. They remind me daily that the head of our house is willing and able to do whatever is needed to love his family and that he sees us as worth the effort to stretch himself in the ways that show that to us.

I am tired and need to sleep. I have the song "Take My Hand, Precious Lord" stuck in my head. I have been singing it and signing it all day for two days. Anyone who knows me well can find the irony in that. I *love* that hymn, but it makes me cry each and every time I sing it, hear it, sign it, think about it. It has always effected me that way, same as "Amazing Grace" and "In the Garden" and "The Old Rugged Cross". They all remind me of my Granny, and did long before we sang them at her funeral. The other song we used for her funeral was Mercy Me's "I Can Only Imagine"-another one that makes me tear up. There are some things that make me tear up because they remind me of someone or something special, some things that are so amazing that I can't help but cry, and then sometimes it is just a day ending in "y". Before I get off on a complete tangent of songs that renew my spirit and remind me why I have faith in a God who died to the world so long ago, I am off to sleep. I will try to find the words to explain that one day, but today...time to sleep.

Hmmm A Year Ago, huh?

Well, apparently my idea to blog was a fleeting one. Here we are, nearly a year later, and so much has changed.

When I started this blog it was to keep up with our adventures as a foster/adoptive/respite family for a Christian agency in our area. I thought I would tell our story often, so people could keep up, roll their eyes, or share the good stuff. We have had abundant "good stuff" over the last year, and some bad stuff too, but I have forgotten to write. Maybe it has been less about forgetting to write, and more about not knowing how to put things down in a "safe" way.

Things have changed in such drastic ways. This time last year, my Granny-who was my strongest prayer partner, Jason, and I were praying about a teen girl who had been a "waiting child" in the Texas foster care system for years on end. Should we offer to do respite? Should we consider adopting her? How were we suppose to move forward with this major decision? Would the kids accept her? Were we nuts for even considering a teen, let alone one with "special needs?"

Last March, the day of her parents' wedding anniversary, my Granny died. I have no doubt what so ever that she was welcomed home with the refrain of "well done my good and faithful servent" because never have I known a woman so consumed with love for our Lord nor one who served her family and the world more completely.

In July we brought the girl we had all been praying for home. We were not sure when she came how well everyone would integrate together, but we stepped out in faith to bring her home. I can't begin to express how well it has gone. She is a very easy going, loving, fun girl. She is a great match with the other kiddos in our house. We were a little scared, but very excited when we met her. Our fears were completely unwarranted, because she is an utter joy. :) Some of my hardest moments have had nothing to do with our wonderful daughter, and everything to do with the fact that my Granny didn't get to meet her. :(

You see, we were planning a trip home to Ohio to see my Granny for this past July. It would have been my first trip home since my Grandaddy's funeral, two years ago in July. The week before she died, just days actually, we talked about what kind of jam I would bring her (I make jams each year-she wanted Strawberry, by the way), my crazy bird (we have a rescued European Starling who will talk your ear off if you sit still long enough), and our foster care and adoption journeys.

In that same time my dad has "retired" a year early. That retirement came courtesy of the horrible economy, particularly for construction, in SW Florida. We were blessed to have a very long term respite placement-the son of a very dear family that we have come to love and respect a great deal; Jonathan is a huge blessing in our lives even though he is back home in Florida now. Annie and Christian have had their parental rights terminated and are waiting for Jason's step parent adoption of them to be finalized. We made our last trip to FL as a family to Grandma and Grandpa's Florida house. We lost another beloved great grandmother, Grandma Jet (Jeannette Kinnen). My mom is retiring as of Monday. :)

This year has held a lot of changes. It has required all of us to stretch beyond what we thought was comfortable, but has blessed us abundantly. We have grown. We have cried. We have laughed and rejoiced. Through it all we have tried to keep our faith and love one another. I want to remember the challenges and the blessings as they come, so I will try to stay the course to writing this blog.